Do not try doing this at home
Do not try doing this at home

Doctors in the Accident and Emergency department at Northern Lincolnshire and Goole NHS Foundation Trust were understandably gobsmacked when a patient arrived for treatment and told them that he’d lost a 77cm sex toy inside his anus.

Doctors who treated the patient said: ‘This case is the first of its kind and exclusive due to the enormous size (of the toy).’

The unnamed patient had inserted the two and a half foot long device up his backside for sexual gratification whilst a little worse the wear for drink. Unfortunately, having lost control of the device, it proceeded to perforate his bowel, causing him severe pain.

Dr Saad Ikram said that an X-ray showed a smooth shadow in his abdomen and further scans revealed he had perforated his bowel. The sex toy was eventually removed, along with part of the patient’s large intestine.

The red-faced man ended up having a stoma bag fitted to prevent waste being passed through his colon, and needed to be fed through a tube in hospital for nine days.

Be careful what you stick up your bum..

There is a fairly wide range of sex toys designed specifically for the anus, for both men and women. The anus is highly sensitive and requires any items inserted to be smooth and carefully designed, with a flared base to prevent them being pulled inside by the strong muscles located inside the anus.

Unfortunately, people have long risked their health by experimenting with different objects in their anus, often resulting in very awkward hospital trips.

Obviously, we couldn’t miss this opportunity to share a few with you….

A deodorant spray can
A deodorant spray can, posibly for nicer smelling farts?
A beer bottle, brand unknown.
A beer bottle, brand unknown.
A coffee jar, with pins in the lid.
A coffee jar, with pins in the lid.
An aubergine. Unsliced and uncooked.
An aubergine. Unsliced and uncooked.
A mobile phone, presumably set to vibrate.
A mobile phone, presumably set to vibrate.
How to punish your son; stick his Buzz lightyear figure up your bum.
How to punish your son; stick his Buzz lightyear figure up your bum.
Stephanie Coulson

The office cat lady

My name is Stephanie Coulson and I am a 'normal' mum who writes a bit, builds websites for a hobby and helps manage the family business in an effort to make ends meet.

I qualified as a teacher at Uni and after a brief period in the UK, moved to Spain and Italy where I taught English and helped start up the insegnanti-inglese teaching groups in Milan and Rome. I returned to the UK in 2017.

Once a Labour voter, I no longer recognise what the party has become. I didn't vote in the Brexit referendum, living abroad at the time, but would have voted leave. I've seen the difference between the way the UK treats EU nationals and how some EU states treat UK nationals.

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